Requiem For A Dream
by Annie Coomes
Summary: The Doctor imagines what his life could be like if Doomsday had never happened and the child, He and Rose never had. Post DD.


Lyrics are from Sweeney Todd – the song Johanna. I saw the film and have fallen completely in love with it and could totally see the parallels between Sweeny/ Mrs Lovett and Doctor/Rose. So I was inspired to write this! Enjoy!

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Requiem For A Dream

_And are you beautiful and pale,  
With yellow hair,  
Like her?  
I'd want you beautiful and pale  
The way I've dreamed_

The Doctor leant against the control panel of the Tardis, his hands scrapped against familiar tools and levers, yet the hand that should rest behind his was missing. He stared at the empty spot, the one where she used to stand along side him, her hand resting inches away from his as she would watch him with her endless brown eyes.

It was a thought that had occupied his mind frequently in his time with Rose, he would watch her blonde hair dancing over her shoulders as she shook with laughter, and the thought would surface to his mind causing him to freeze with the intensity of it. At the beginning it was a rare thought, one that popped up only after he had nearly lost her and held her firmly against his chest, a thought he had decided nothing would ever come of. But once he had changed – once she'd died for him and he'd died for her, everything had changed. Now she watched him with a different look in her eye, the way she smiled at him froze his heart; he began to live in fear to the way she affected him.

And now, in the middle of the Tardis, with darkness cloaking him and the heavy stubble that wrecked his chin, he let the thought creep back into his mind.

_And if you're beautiful, what then,  
With yellow hair,  
Like wheat?  
I think we shall not meet again  
My little dove  
My sweet_

It was the sight of a tiny girl, six maybe seven years old, with golden blonde hair in loose curls that hung back over her shoulders, matched with deep browns eyes and a familiar grin. It was a dream that had haunted him nearly every night since he'd lost Rose – since the perfect shade of doomsday grey had taken over his life. Every night he dreamt of Rose, but often she was accompanied by a small girl, a girl whose grin was one to match his own, and beauty to rival her mothers'. It was a dream that he was happy throughout, but always caused him to wake up with tears in his eyes. Memories for what could have been.

_Good-bye,  
You're gone and yet you're mine  
I'm fine,  
I'm fine_

It was a dream that happened so often and in such detail that it began to become a memory to the Doctor. No longer a wish of what might have happened between him and Rose – instead it became a manifestation of forgotten feelings. In his mind he started to believe his daughter had been created and was waiting for him with Rose, their brown eyes waiting, sparkling with hope as they search the sky line for him.

It was a thought he used to comfort himself with, that Rose was telling his daughter stories of their life together and that she would grown into a intelligent young woman with a stunning beauty. He would wake in the night, his hand searching the bed for Rose beside him, and when he found the sheets cold and undisturbed the memories would come crashing back in and his daughter would fade out of reach.

_And if I never hear your voice,  
My turtledove,  
My dear  
I still have reason to rejoice,  
The way ahead is clear_

Watching the control panel, as the central column shed its light over the darkness of his eyes, the Doctor made a decision. Looking at the battered and worn single photo he had of Rose he vowed to find her. He didn't care any longer what it did to the time and space continuum, he just wanted to find the woman he loved. And their child – if she existed, if not…he wanted to make that child.

The Doctor hit the buttons with enthusiasm, the Tardis groaning into life at the sudden burst of activity. Soon the control room with filled with a familiar sound, the creaks of the ship as she soared through time and space, the Doctor standing at the controls smiling gently to himself.

_And in the darkness  
When I'm blind with what I can't forget  
It's always morning in my mind  
My little lamb  
My pet  
You stay  
The way I've dreamed you are  
Oh look a star  
A shooting star_

The Doctor held onto the safety rail as the Tardis rocked and bumped through time, he looked down at the dun grey bar and in his mind he saw Rose's hands, as though she were here beside him, he moved his hand over to touch where hers' rested. All he felt was the cold metal beneath his fingertips, the warmth of her skin existing only in his imagination. He closed his eyes, wishing them all to come back, and in his mind he saw her beside him, their wheat-haired daughter giggling her mothers' laugh beside them. In his mind he saw happiness that had evaded him a long time ago. And he was determined to recapture it.

_And though I'll think of you, I guess  
Until the day I die  
I think I miss you less and less  
As everyday goes by_

The Doctor had thought it through calmly and logically in the middle of the night, the manicness of his hair matching the manicness of his actions. As dawn rose he stood outside that Tardis having found himself at the Powell Estate. He watched quietly as the sun rose over Rose's old flat and he sighed inwardly to himself.

Before him a eight year old Rose skipped across the estate, her blonde hair trailing behind her as she giggled her laugh which the Doctor knew would haunt him for the rest of his days. He watched her and saw the daughter he could have had. It was too much.

_And you'd be beautiful and pale  
And look too much like her  
If only angels could prevail  
We'd be the way we were_

Watching young Rose broke the Doctor more than he could ever know, he turned away from her, catching the sun in her hazel eyes one last time before he re-entered the Tardis. Sighing inwardly to himself he sat on the edge of the steps leading away from the control room, he rested his head against the metal pole as tears gently rimmed his eyes. He began to rock slowly as he sung a gently lullaby in his head to the child he had never known and would never know.

_Wake up,  
Another bright red day  
We learn  
To say  
Good-bye_

The Doctor wept for everything he had lost and everything he could never have.

Little did he know on the other side of the galaxy, in another world, Rose did the same, weeping for all she lost with her wheat-blonde hair trailing in the air behind her.

Watching the redness of the day set over Earth they both stood and turned, resigning themselves to the life they must now live. Alone.


End file.
